


sparks on ember island

by tyzvlas



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Friends to Enemies to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, POV Lesbian Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:55:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25102774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tyzvlas/pseuds/tyzvlas
Summary: The hundred year war is over, Firelord Ozai has been defeated, Princess Azula is locked away, and avatar Aang now keeps the peace. But what does this all mean for Ty Lee? After Mai leaves her alone with the Kyoshi warriors, guilt starts to chip away at her and she can't help but feel sorry for Azula, so she visits her, and never sees her again.Well, at least not for three years.
Relationships: Aang & Katara (Avatar), Aang & Zuko (Avatar), Aang/Katara (Avatar), Azula & Mai & Ty Lee, Azula & Mai (Avatar), Azula & Ursa (Avatar), Azula/Chan (Avatar), Azula/Ty Lee (Avatar), Katara/Zuko (Avatar), Kyoshi Warriors & Ty Lee, Mai & Ty Lee (Avatar), Mai/Ty Lee (Avatar), Mai/Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Suki (Avatar), Suki/Ty Lee (Avatar), Ty Lee & Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 145





	1. Ty Lee

Ty Lee brushed small strands of hair out of her face as she bounded down the stone path to the entrance of the palace. She looked over at Zuko, one of her oldest friends, being crowned as the firelord. She hadn’t seen him since boiling rock, since her arrest. She smiled at him from afar, thinking about how surprised he must be to see her in a Kyoshi warrior uniform. Avatar Aang was by his side, and for just a moment, the world seemed at peace. Ty Lee was surrounded by her sisters, her friend was the leader of his nation, the avatar was back, Ozai was gone, everything was right. It should’ve felt right. Ty Lee felt someone brush up beside her and grab her hand. Startled, she turned in their direction to see Mai, glassy eyed but smiling. Ty Lee gave her friend a tight hug and Mai returned it happily. Over the cheering crowd, Ty Lee asked, “What’s wrong? You look like you’ve been crying.” 

Mai smiled at the ground. “Yeah...I think I’m going to leave, Ty. At least for a while. Travel the world, find something to care about. There’s nothing left here for me anymore.” Ty Lee somehow understood the feeling. She had imagined that it would be Azula up there being crowned firelord. She had dreamed of holding her friend’s hand as the hairpiece was inserted into Azula’s bun, but that had all come crashing down when she chi-blocked her to protect Mai. In a way she might have blamed Mai, at least a little bit, for letting her love for Zuko get in the way of their group, but Mai did the right thing. 

“At least come with us back to Kyoshi island, Mai. I haven’t seen you since we were arrested! I’m sure we both have a lot to talk about.” Ty Lee smiled at her friend, and patted her on the shoulder. 

“Sure, why not?” Zuko stood up from his spot kneeling in front of the crowd. He looked so much bigger from afar, he had grown so much since that night on the beach. The first time Mai and Zuko broken up, but certainly not the last. Ty Lee had always felt strange about their relationship. When they were kids, she and Azula would tease them, but Ty Lee never knew it would actually grow into anything. Mai was a free spirit, after all, and being tied down as the firelady wasn’t something that seemed to appeal to her. It would just be Omashu all over again. She’d have to be the perfect lady for Zuko, and all of the things that she had tried to escape from in her youth would come back. There was no doubt in Ty Lee’s mind that Mai loved Zuko, but something about living in the same place for the rest of her life just didn’t seem like the best option for Mai.

***

After the coronation, Ty Lee was invited by Suki, who was invited by Sokka, to Iroh’s new tea shop in the city. Ty Lee tried to have her brightest smile, to keep her aura light and cheery, but Azula wasn’t there. She didn’t want to mope around missing Azula for the rest of her life, but to see everyone with their closest friends, seeing Suki with Sokka, and Zuko with Katara, it all became overwhelming. She wanted Azula there, she wanted to compliment her and laugh with her, and tease Zuko with her. Ty Lee watched Aang leave the tea shop, and she decided to follow him. 

“I owe you an apology. For the whole ‘trying to kill you and your friends,’ thing.” She leaned against the railing overlooking the city as the golden sun fell below the horizon. 

Aang smiled at her. “You don’t need to apologize. It was Azula forcing you to. It’s okay, really.” _Aang really lives up to his air nomad upbringing_ , she thought. 

Ty Lee hesitated for a moment. “Azula...what’s going to happen to her?” Ty Lee tried to keep her voice from breaking, and she tried her best to keep her composure. Aang placed his hand on her shoulder. 

“She’s going to a hospital to get help. Zuko didn’t want her going to prison.” She smiled at that. At least she isn’t locked in a cell without any company. People were helping her. She’d get better. Her smile dissolved as she realized--she’d forget Ty Lee. Part of growing is forgetting. Getting help meant...it meant that she won’t need her old friends that might force her back into her old ways, and probably no more bending either. 

Ty Lee threw her arms around Aang. “Thank you...for letting her get help.” She left Aang there to stare off into the sunset, and no doubt to contemplate what had happened to Ozai. No one had ever gotten their bending taken away permanently. Sure, Ty Lee knew how to chi-block and take away bending for a few minutes, but to take away bending forever...that had only ever happened to Ozai. She entered the tea shop again, and watched Suki and Sokka argue over a game of pai sho. “I call playing the winner!” She yelled, bouncing over to the table. From the corner of her eye, she saw Zuko in a hallway. She decided that she should probably talk to him...about everything. When she rounded the corner, she saw him there, his fingers interlaced with Katara’s. “Ahem…” They both turned to her, startled. “Zuko, sorry for interrupting but...can I speak with you?” Katara, blushing, found her way back into the main room of the tea shop. “So...you and Katara?” 

Zuko looked away. “I don’t know...it’s complicated. She feels sort of...obligated to be with Aang, especially after everything.” He sighed and buried his face in his hands. 

“So...is that why Mai looked like she had been crying at the coronation?” Zuko furrowed his brow and tried to push past Ty Lee, but she blocked him from leaving.

“Look, what do you want?” He gave in, and sat on the floor up against the wall of the corridor. 

“Well I _was_ here to talk about Azula, but now I want to know why you broke my best friend’s heart.” She crossed her arms over her chest. 

Zuko raked his hand through his hair. “I already told you, it’s complicated.” 

“I mean, I know she’d never be happy with you. Not completely. She’d convince herself that you were enough, that you were worth caring for, but who are we kidding? You weren’t even good enough for your dad.” She knew she’d gone too far, but she had let the anger take over her. Mai and Zuko might not have been happy together, but she wouldn’t sit by and let a boy break Mai’s heart.

“You’re right.” Ty Lee was taken aback at his candidness. “I’m not good enough for her. I’m not worth caring for.” She felt bad for saying it now.

“Zuko…”

“No, it’s okay. I’m not even good enough for Katara. She’s meant to be with Aang. He’s the hero, not me.” He wiped away a tear. 

Ty Lee didn’t know how to respond, and she started shaking, the same way she always did when faced with confrontation that couldn’t be solved with fighting. “I’m sorry Zuko...I was just angry. You deserve to be happy.”

“No I don’t.” He left her there, without another word. 

“I won!” Ty Lee heard Suki scream from across the tea shop. Ty Lee get your butt over here!” She put her smile back on and ran over to the pai sho table. “Are you sure you can take...the master!” Suki threw down a tile.

Ty Lee raised her eyebrow, and threw down her own. “There’s only one pai sho master here, and it’s _not_ you.” 

***

Kyoshi island was impossible to mistake from a distance. A giant statue of avatar Kyoshi looked over the town of small wooden buildings, and the water was blue; bluer than any water Ty Lee had ever seen. Kyoshi island had remained relatively untouched by war, aside from...being burned down by Zuko, but it was still in better shape than a lot of the earth kingdom. Ty Lee stood in her uniform at the bow of the boat, her hands on the ledge, looking over at her new home. Mai came up from behind her, and rested her hand on Ty Lee’s. She accepted the familiar warmth of Mai’s callused fingers, and she intertwined hers with her friend’s. They both admired the water, which splashed their face every so often, making them giggle as if they were children again. _Again_ , Ty Lee thought. _We_ are _children_. 

“How about we find some spot on the island and go swimming,” Mai suggested. Ty Lee excitedly nodded in agreement. They found a small cove, hidden away from everything else on the island, and stripped down to their underclothes. Ty Lee was the first to jump in, and came up with her warrior makeup running down her face. Mai followed her, jumping in with a graceful dive. When Mai came back up, her hair was a mess. Ty Lee pushed Mai’s bangs out of her face. 

“Remember that fountain in the palace courtyard? The one where we would feed turtleducks and push each other in?” 

Mai smiled. “Everything was so simple then. We weren’t concerned with saving the world...or boys. Or even Azula.” 

Ty Lee grimaced at the word _boys_. “Yeah...boys. They’re complicated, aren’t they? In an ‘I don’t know how you dealt with Zuko for that long,’ kind of way.” 

Mai rolled her eyes at the mention of Zuko’s name. “Let’s talk about something else.”

“Gladly,” Ty Lee said, dunking her head under the water, letting its coldness engulf her face and head until she was entirely underneath. She opened her eyes under the clear blue spring. She could barely see five feet in front of her; it was just rocks, moss, and Mai. Ty Lee swam around to the other side of the small pool, then back, coming up for air when she came back to her spot. “Do you know where they’re taking Azula?” 

Mai cringed at her name. “I’ve been trying not to think about Azula.”

“But she was our best friend,” Ty Lee exclaimed. 

“Yes but...I don’t know. I betrayed her, and she tried to _kill_ me, Ty.” Mai splashed water onto her face. 

“She tried to kill me too, Mai, and I still care about her well-being.”

“Zuko said she went crazy. They put her in a mental hospital.” That wasn’t enough.

“What mental hospital, where?”

Mai rolled her eyes. “Why do you want to see her so badly? She treated you terribly!”

Tears began to form in Ty Lee’s eyes. “Don’t say that! You...you have no idea how she treated me!”

“I know that she wasn’t a good friend to _either_ of us. She constantly belittled you--”

Ty Lee slammed her hand down into the water. “She constantly belittled _you_ , Mai. Azula was the only one that ever cared about my feelings, about what I had to say. She saw me for who I am, not who I could be to her. That day on the beach, she felt _sorry_ for me. None of you ever did that.”

Mai backed up, and sighed. “She’s being held not far from here. Zuko wanted her on Kyoshi Island, so if any trouble happened...the warriors could stop her.” 

A tear escaped Ty Lee’s eyes and dropped into the water. “Why didn’t he tell me?” 

“Because of this, Ty. Because you’re the closest to her. Because he doesn’t trust you.” 

Ty Lee had heard enough. She leapt out of the water and gathered her clothes, running all the way to the Kyoshi warrior training center at the top of the town. She found Suki there, having a little rendezvous with Sokka. He spotted Ty Lee out of the corner of his eye and pulled away from her. “Haha we were just...I’m gonna...is this important Kyoshi warrior business?” Ty Lee and Suki both crossed their arms. “Yeah okay I’ll go,” he said, his head and arms hanging as he left the room. 

“So what’s on your mind?” Suki asked. 

Ty Lee cocked her head. “Are we not supposed to be training? How do things work around here?” 

Suki brushed Ty Lee’s arm with her fingertips, sending shock waves through her body. “Well, we train once a week together, since most of us have already mastered fighting. The others taught you our technique, right?” Ty Lee nodded at the other girl. “Okay, good. So we start training again tomorrow. You’re expected to be here at ten sharp, not a minute late, in uniform, including makeup. We usually just go over basic forms at these practices.” Suki slid behind Ty Lee and brought her face to Ty Lee’s neck. “If you need extra practice, you can come straight to me, though.” Ty Lee turned around to see Suki smiling, with her hands behind her back. 

“Um...okay. I’ll keep that in mind.” 

***

She made sure to be at least ten minutes early to training. When she made it there, she found herself to be all alone. No one was waiting outside of the doors like she thought they’d be. She looked across town to see if they’d be over there, and she eyed Mai, who smiled at her and waved, but Ty Lee quickly looked away. She thought that maybe she’d need to wait until exactly ten, but why wouldn’t people be there early? She tested her curiosity and poked her head through the door, where she saw all of the warriors lounging around the training room. Suki was sitting in a chair with her leg up, fanning herself. “Ty Lee! Come in, we’ve been waiting for you.” The rest of the girls made their formation, pointing their fans out and making a striking movement with their hands. 

“She looked like she’s seen a ghost, Suki!” One of the girls called out. The others laughed. Ty Lee looked around in panic and confusion, the found and empty spot in their square. She used her legs to jump over one row of girls, and did a flip in the air, landing directly in the spot that she had found. 

Suki rubbed her chin and lifted an eyebrow. “Very impressive, newbie.” Ty Lee smiled at that, and curtsied. “Okay, back to business.” The warriors dispersed around the room and found their way back to their old spots. Ty Lee sat in a chair by Suki. 

“What happened to training?” 

“You missed it.” Suki took a sip of tea.

Ty Lee’s eyes went wide. “What! You said ten sharp! I’m here! I thought I would get here and we practiced all day!”

Suki laughed at her. “I’m kidding. Practice starts at ten tonight.”

Ty Lee sighed in relief and put her chin in her hands, pouting. She looked around to realize that none of the other girls were in uniform. “So you just like...hang out here?” 

“Pretty much. We can do whatever in our free time but most of us like it here. Plus some people like to train a bit before we practice.” She took a sip of her tea. "Most of these girls have guard duty today at twelve. This is their only downtime before then."

“Well...if that’s the case, I have something to do. I’ll be back.” 

She found Mai about to board a boat and leave the island. “Ty Lee--” was all Mai had time to say before Ty Lee tackled her in an embrace. They fell to the floor, laughing and rolling through the grass. When they stopped rolling, Ty Lee was on top of Mai. “I’m sorry for what I said. You should go see Azula.”

“I’m sorry too. Are you really leaving?” They both rose from their spots and dusted their clothes off. 

“Yeah...for a while, at least. My parents gave me some money...I’m going to make the most of it. This ship is going to the north pole, and I’ve never seen snow before.” Mai wrapped her arms around Ty Lee. “I’m going to miss you the most, Ty.” Ty Lee returned the embrace and let a tear fall down her cheek. 

“Find some cute waterbender and you’ll forget all about Zuko,” Ty Lee said with a giggle, kissing her friend on the cheek. She tasted salt on Mai’s cheek; she was crying too. “Promise you’ll come back?” 

Mai cupped Ty Lee’s face with her hands. “If not for anyone else, for you.” 

The captain of the ship yelled to Mai that she had to board. 

“Looks like I’ve got to go,” she said, “I’ll see you around, circus freak.” Mai turned and found her way onto the deck of the boat, and looked back at Ty Lee. Their group, their inseparable group, was all split up again, just like they were a year ago. Azula was stuck in a mental hospital, and Ty Lee was a Kyoshi warrior watching her last true friend leave on a ship heading to the other side of the world. She didn’t break eye contact with Mai as the ship pulled away, and she kept watching as she shrank into the distance, until she was nothing more than a dot. She stood there as children ran around her, as the sky cleared and the sun hung high in the sky, as Mai disappeared into the backdrop of the ocean. 

When she could no longer see the ship, she finally looked away, and let her tears flow freely. She didn’t care anymore about the people watching, she buried her face in her hands and wept. She cried for Mai, who wouldn’t be back for a long time. She cried for Azula, who must’ve felt more alone than ever locked away in that hospital. She cried for Zuko, who had the world on his shoulders while his heart was breaking; and finally, she cried for herself. She cried because she hadn’t been home in a year, she cried because, as a Kyoshi warrior, she finally had independence, but it wasn't enough, and she cried because, no matter what, she would always just be a circus freak.


	2. Ty Lee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I know I should be happy that you’re here,” she began, barely able to force the words out. “You can’t hurt anyone anymore. And Zuko wants to make sure you get help.” At the mention of her brother, Azula thrashed in her cell. “But I can’t be happy. Not knowing that you’re here and not with me.”

Brushing past her concerns, her hands stiff at her side, her strides getting shorter and shorter by the minute, Ty Lee trudged up the hill behind the village of Kyoshi island.  _ I should’ve done this sooner _ , she thought, taking another small step over a few rocks in the path. She shook her head and kept going, feeling a rock in her chest, like the guilt was building up inside of her body. She should’ve visited her as soon as Mai told her where she was. It wasn’t fair; three months of being on Kyoshi island, training, going on small missions, Azula should’ve known she was there on the island. She should’ve known that there was someone who loves her close by, but instead Ty Lee ignored the problem. She let it settle inside of her, darkening her aura and twisting her insides until she couldn’t hold the guilt any longer. So there she was, alone on the path to the hospital, ignoring Suki’s pleas to stay behind. 

She had gotten lost at least three times trying to find this place. The first time, she ended up on the opposite side of the island and could almost make out the earth kingdom across the water. The second time, she was stuck in the middle of the woods and had to climb on top of the trees to find her way back to the path. This time, she was just wandering aimlessly, trying to remember the directions that Suki had given her. Well, not really directions, more like, “there’s this big hill and you can’t miss it,” but Kyoshi island had more than just one hill, so how was Ty Lee supposed to know which one she meant?

Ty Lee ran her hands through her hair, which was loose and flowing unlike how she usually braided it. The building at the top of the hill was unimpressive; it was a bleak gray with closed window panes that didn’t allow any sunlight to pass through. The door was massive, and locked from the inside, Ty Lee noted as she tried to pry open the door. She knocked twice, and when no one answered she peered through the small circular window on the door. “Hello?” She ventured, hoping that someone would finally hear her and let her in. The metal walls were cool against her skin, hot from the late springtime sun. She pressed her ear to the door, and finally heard footsteps coming, so she pulled away from the door and put her hands behind her back, mustering the sweetest smile that she could put on. 

A tall man with the green eyes and bent posture of the earth nation opened the creaky door, letting out a blast of cold with him. “Can I help you?” He asked, blocking Ty Lee from entering. 

“Is this where princess Azula is being kept?” Ty Lee asked with her sweetest sounding voice. The man raised an alarmed eyebrow at her. 

“Who’s asking?” 

Ty Lee pouted at him and crossed her arms over her chest. “A Kyoshi warrior, sir. I need to check up on the princess. Suki’s orders.” Lying came easy to Ty Lee lately. As a kid she was never able to do it; to stand in front of someone and tell them a false truth, but since the Ba Sing Se operation, lying had become sort of second nature. She had to create a whole new persona for herself, and once she was able to do that, she could lie easier than she could tell the truth. It was sort of scary, but lying had become a way of masking herself. She lied to Mai, Azula  _ had _ treated her badly throughout their life, and used her in multiple ways, but that didn’t change the fact that she felt sympathy for her...and deep down...love too. She had lied to Suki a thousand times over. She didn’t want to be a Kyoshi warrior, not really. There was just nothing left for her anymore. No place to call her own, no best friends to take care of her, no sense of individuality that could come from her life after the war. So she had swallowed her pride and lied to Suki and the other warriors, giving them chi-blocking lessons in exchange for acceptance.

The man opened the door wider and beckoned for Ty Lee to come inside. The inside looked just as depressing as the outside. The oil lamps that lit the halls barely shone through the glass encasing them, and the floor and desk at the front entrance were made of metal. Everything was metal. Ty Lee was escorted to another metal door, this one darker than the others, with a black label on it.  _ The Princess _ , it read in neat printed writing. Azula was behind this door. There were guards on both sides holding various weapons, and Ty Lee wasn’t sure if they were to keep people out or to keep Azula in. Ty Lee took a deep breath and gulped, still unsure of what she was going to say when she went through the door.

Zuko was wrong about the hospital. He didn’t want her kept in a cell, but here she was, behind bars, with a jacket constricting her hands so that she couldn’t bend. Ty Lee began to shake and breathe heavily, clasping her hands and holding them up to her face. Azula was there, she was right there, her hair a stringy mess covering most of her face. Most--except the eyes. Her golden eyes seemed to glow as they found Ty Lee’s, staring deep into her consciousness and making her feel more and more unsafe as the seconds passed. Ty Lee let her hands fall to her side, and her eyes fluttered closed. 

“I know I should be happy that you’re here,” she began, barely able to force the words out. “You can’t hurt anyone anymore. And Zuko wants to make sure you get help.” At the mention of her brother, Azula thrashed in her cell. “But I can’t be happy. Not knowing that you’re here and not with me.” Ty Lee, going against what every voice in her head told her, sat down, her back to the bars of the cell. “Mai didn’t want to forgive you. She’s gone now. We’re all separated. There’s no one left from our group anymore. Zuko was crowned firelord, and he left Mai. She’s traveling the world now. And I’m all alone…” Ty Lee trailed off, and she felt a tear slip from her eye. She rubbed it away with her back of her hand and swallowed the ever growing lump at the back of her throat. “I’m a Kyoshi warrior now, Azula. I guess I came full circle.” Ty Lee paused, wanting a response. “Aren’t you going to say anything?” She turned to Azula again, and was met with nothing. Only those disdainful golden eyes. “I want you to get better, but you  _ have _ to talk. You can’t just sit here silently for the rest of time.” Ty Lee was met with a grunt.  _ I’m getting somewhere _ . “So your voice still works?” Silence. “Azula I have to be honest...every day without you feels like I’m losing another part of myself, and I...I don’t understand why! You were horrible, and demanding, and controlling, but on the beach when you said sorry...when you talked about your mother...it was a different Azula. It was the Azula that I had known from our childhood. I want nothing more in life than to have her back.” More silence. “Ozai did this to you. He turned you into a monster. Your mother wasn’t right about you. You can be so much more than what your father designed...but you need to talk.” Silence fell over them once again, but this time Ty Lee didn’t interrupt it. She stayed there, her back pressed against the cell, while she tried to get Azula to say something. 

“You need to go,” Azula finally croaked out after a short while. Ty Lee, stunned, turned back to look at her oldest friend. Azula’s bangs covered most of her face, but Ty Lee could still make out those sad eyes. She could see wetness on Azula’s face as tears ran down.Ty Lee’s fingers wrapped around the metal bars and she maneuvered herself to be right in front of Azula. 

She brushed away a stray piece of hair that had fallen into her face. “I don’t want to leave you alone here.” Her voice broke and the lump in her throat was too much to contain, so a small sob escaped her lips. “Your aura is all black Azula...you  _ need _ me.” 

Instead of responding, Azula turned her back on Ty Lee. Another sob came out, and then another, Before she could stop, Ty Lee was full on crying, her face buried in her hands. She heard Azula’s uneven breaths; she was crying too. 

“I don’t expect you to ever forgive me,” Ty Lee continued, “but just know that I’m here, and I’m not leaving.”

Within a matter of seconds, Azula turned around and yelled, spewing out blue fire from her mouth, and burning Ty Lee’s hand. Ty Lee yelped and scooted backwards, cradling her hand close to her chest. 

The guards burst in suddenly, weapons at the ready. Ty Lee swiftly moved to block them, making sure they couldn’t hurt Azula. They tried barreling past her, ready to swing. Azula squirmed to a corner, cowering in fear. “Stop it!” Ty Lee screamed. They banged their weapons against the bars of the cell, and Ty Lee closed her eyes, letting her body take control of her mind. When she opened her eyes, the guards were on the floor. 

She ran out of the hospital as fast as her legs could take her. She didn’t stop running until she reached a clearing surrounded by trees. Enough protection where she could process everything on her own. The grass was damp against her bare legs, and she curled up into a ball in the middle of the field. Azula wasn’t safe in that place, and there was nothing Ty Lee could do about it. She was out of control in this situation, the one that mattered the most to her. Azula wanted her gone, though. The best thing she could do is forget about Azula, and live her life, stay loyal to the Kyoshi warriors, write letters to Mai, just forget about it all. If she remembered, she’d feel guilty for the rest of her life. 

Ty Lee sat up, letting the sun warm her skin. She crossed her legs, and sat up straight, trying to open her chakras back up. She took a deep breath in through her nose, visualizing a pretty pink flower blooming, forgetting about what happened, letting her words dissolve in her mind. She breathed out, feeling more clarity than before. 

Ty Lee stood up again, and began collecting flowers. Yellow and blue and pink flowers, all to get her mind away from Azula. She picked small flowers, and big flowers, buttercups and daisies, anything that she could find on the field. She carried them all in a small bouquet back to the town, and she took off into a running pace again. There was no more lump in her throat, no more tears streaming down her cheeks, just the sun following her and the wind whipping through her hair and the flowers in her hands, that she still didn’t know what to do with. 

The first building she came upon was the Kyoshi warrior training center. The other warriors were lounging around there, Suki sitting out front. Ty Lee began passing out the flowers, giving one to every warrior. They gave her their thanks, some nodding, and some thanking her audibly. The last flower was given to Suki. 

“How was she?” She asked as Ty Lee handed her the pink flower. 

“I don’t know,” Ty Lee said, which was only half a lie.

Suki looked at Ty Lee with an eyebrow raised. “You...don’t know?”

Ty Lee shook her head. “I forgot! I said some words to her, cried a little bit, then meditated. I don’t know.” Ty Lee smiled brightly at Suki.

Suki took Ty Lee’s burned hand. “What’s this?” Ty Lee pulled back. 

“It’s from this morning. I was making tea and burned myself.”

Suki rolled her eyes, not believing the lie. “I thought she couldn’t bend from in there.” 

Ty Lee gave up the lie. “She breathed fire through her mouth, I’ve never seen anything like it before. She always used her hands.” 

Suki grabbed the burned hand again, turning it over and examining the burn. Ty Lee let her this time. “Do you need this dressed? I’m no healer, but I have some bandages.”

“It’s fine, really. It’s just a small burn, I’ll be alright.”

Suki gave Ty Lee’s hand back. “Okay...but if you need anything--”

“I know, Suki. Come to you.” 

Suki rested her hand on Ty Lee’s cheek. “I’m serious. I’m worried about you, Ty Lee.”

***

Moonlight found its way through Ty Lee’s window as she cradled her burned hand. It didn't actually hurt, she didn’t really know why she was cradling it, but she felt the need to keep it closer to her heart. She paced around the floor of her room, letting herself finally process everything without dismissal. Azula had burned her. Azula could still bend, and she had burned her. Azula was crying. She was upset and angry and she was crying. Azula didn’t want to hear about Zuko. Ty Lee thought about asking Suki when she’d be free again, seeing if she could go and visit her within the next few weeks, but she stopped herself from opening the door and finding Suki. Azula didn’t need this. Ty Lee didn’t need this. She had said all that she had wanted to, all that she  _ could _ . There was no reason for her to go back there.

So she didn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry that the buildup for this is kind of slow?? Azula POV chapters are coming i promise, but Ty Lee dealing with the aftermath of the war and betraying her friend is something that i really wanted to explore. also sorry this chapter is shorter than the last one, i'm really not the best with writing long chapters lol


	3. Ty Lee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “She came all this way for you, Zuko. If I didn’t hate the fact that you two caused my best friend to leave for three years, I’d say, go and tell her. Tell her that you love her unconditionally and that you’d give your life for hers if need be. Tell her that she’s the love of your life and you’ll never, never, never let her go.”

Candles illuminated the room around Ty Lee as her family sang their birthday song to her.  _ Eighteen _ , she thought giddily.  _ I’m finally eighteen _ . Her sisters were by her side, and Suki and Sokka and Zuko. Even Katara had showed up. Still no sign of Mai, though. She had left over three years ago, and all anyone knew of her were the few letters she sent out every few months to tell people she’s still alive. Ty Lee had been hurt for the first few months, hearing so little of her last childhood friend, but eventually she came to accept it. The Kyoshi warriors were her new friends. “Aren’t you going to blow out the candles,Ty?” She heard one of her sisters call. 

“Yes, sorry...I was just distracted.” She blew out the eighteen candles on her cake with one large gust of air, and sat back in her seat at the top of the table, slowly sinking lower and lower. Visits With her family had been more frequent as her birthday approached, but they hadn't been any less excruciating than every other visit. Her sisters would bother her about Zuko, fawning over him like fangirls. 

Ty Lee stepped out onto the balcony to get some air while cake was being served. She looked out into the empty horizon, wishing to see something. Anything that would indicate the next step to take in her life. She felt empty, navigating the world without any direction. Even on her eighteenth birthday, the day she’s meant to become an adult, she felt nothing except a pit at the bottom of her stomach dragging her toward the ground at every given opportunity. As she drifted away into her thoughts, a voice called from behind her. ”I thought you could use some company,” Katara called to her. Ty Lee turned back and smiled, not letting her eyes express the same way as her lips. 

“Thanks,” she replied as Katara leaned over the balcony with her. 

“So...you’re finally caught up with the rest of us. How does it feel to finally be an adult?” Ty Lee couldn’t blame Katara for trying to make nice with her. They weren’t exactly close, they hadn’t ever had the chance to get to know one another. 

_ Azula would still be seventeen _ . “I don’t feel much different.” Ty Lee and Katara both paused for a fleeting moment. “Why are you here?” 

“Your family invited me,” Katara answered, almost as a question. 

“No. Why are you  _ here _ ? Why aren’t you home with you people?” Ty Lee rested her head on her hand. 

Katara let out a small sigh. “Zuko,” she said, staring off into the sunset glinting off of the ocean water. 

“Zuko told you to come? Is it official water tribe business?” Ty Lee knew why, but she didn’t want to hear it out loud. Zuko’s budding love for Katara is what caused Mai to leave. It caused Ty Lee to lose her only friend. 

“No, he didn’t know I'd be here actually. It’s just…” Tears began to form in Katara’s eyes, and she quickly wiped them away. “I just needed to see him. That’s all.” Ty Lee held back a scoff. 

“Well you’ve seen him.” 

“Why are you being so mean?” Katara asked, taken aback. Ty Lee sighed. 

She moved to the other side of the balcony without breaking eye contact with Katara. “I shouldn’t blame you for Mai leaving, but part of me still does.” Ty Lee thought back to that day in the tea shop when she walked in on Zuko and Katara with their hands interlaced, gazing into each other’s eyes as if one of them looked away, the other would disappear, and Katara did disappear. She chose Aang, leaving Mai’s broken heart all for nothing.  _ It was all for nothing _ . 

Katara grabbed Ty Lee’s hand, startling her. “I never wanted Zuko to leave Mai. I just told him how... _ confused _ I was. How I wanted him but...Aang needed me. He was the Avatar, I...I had to choose him.” Ty Lee saw how much hurt was trapped inside of Katara, living a lie to protect Aang’s feelings. “I told him to stay with her, but he didn’t think it was right. He didn’t want to hurt her by staying with her and his feelings being...not true.” 

Ty Lee narrowed her eyes. “I guess that’s fair.” 

***

Emptiness consumed Ty Lee whole. She sat in bed staring at the moon, wishing herself away. Everything was bland. Everything was empty. Spending time with her family had been more painful than last year for whatever reason. She couldn’t pinpoint it but passing her eighteenth year, pretty much alone in the world, hurt more than anything she could’ve ever imagined. At the very least, she had Zuko, but he was always busy with Firelord duties. She still hadn’t forgiven him for breaking Mai’s heart, but at some point she just had to accept it. Accept that she was gone, and accept that she probably wouldn’t come back for a while. As for her other friend...she had given up on that a long time ago. She had given up on Azula a long time ago. Ty Lee’s first friend, her first love, was gone and there was nothing that she could do to fix what she had done. She blamed herself every day for what she did, and no matter how much the guilt built up, no matter how much she did to distract herself, she still knew in her heart that Azula was miserable because of her actions. 

Ember island was where it all started. 

She remembered getting ready for that night. Azula and Ty Lee had gotten dressed together, helping each other out on makeup and giggling...having a good time...having  _ fun _ . Azula was rarely ever actually happy, but getting ready for that party, Ty Lee could tell that she felt like a _real teenager_ for once. She didn’t have to flash her fire to get people out of her way, and her mind was off of pleasing her father and trying desperately to picture her mother’s face. Sometime that night, as Azula stood on the balcony of Chan’s house, Ty Lee felt a tang of jealousy, and the slightest feeling that maybe she had fallen in love. In love with Azula, the manipulative, backstabbing, can’t take no for an answer, princess. Ty Lee thought that by betraying her...she would help save her, somehow, but it only made everything worse. If she could’ve just stayed by her side, if she could’ve saved Azula from herself some other way, maybe Azula wouldn’t be locked up in a miserable detention center with no friends to care for her, no family to help her feel better. 

Ty Lee didn’t realize that she had drifted off until she was woken up by Zuko knocking on her door. Rubbing her eyes, she told him to come in. “What’s up?” She asked, propping herself up on her elbow. 

“I...Ty Lee I need your help. I should’ve asked a long time ago but...please. Help me.” Ty Lee furrowed her brow at him. The powerful Firelord Zuko was here in her childhood bedroom, decked out in pink accessories, begging for her help on a task. 

“If it’s Kyoshi warrior business go to Suki,” she replied, yawning. 

“It’s not. Katara spoke to you last night, right?” Ty Lee rolled her eyes.  _ Of course this is about her _ . 

Ty Lee gave him an empty look, but saw how he fidgeted his hands and paced around the room and a wave of sympathy fell over her. “Yes, she did. She said that she came here to see you, Zuko. Go talk to her.”

“How?”

“What do you mean  _ how _ ? Ask her how life is, ask her about her tribe, if you want formality refer to her as ambassador—“

“I kind of messed up,” Zuko interrupted, smiling an awkward smile and pushing his hair away from his eyes. “See, when I spoke to her last night, I addressed her as ambassador Katara. She’s not an ambassador anymore. She was upset by it, actually. She’s  _ General _ Katara now.” Ty Lee tried to keep herself from giggling. 

“You’re serious?” She scratched her head. “I thought Sokka was the only general of the southern water tribe.” 

“He  _ was _ , and then she asked to be more involved in the fighting. Less politics.” Ty Lee noticed a small twinkle in his eyes and the way the corners of his lips twitched ever so slightly when talking about how she’s a general now. 

“So what do you want me to do?” 

“I’m sorry, this was stupid.” Before Zuko could run out the door, in a swift motion, Ty Lee bounded to the door and didn’t let him leave. 

“You love her,” she teased. “You have since the Agni Kai, right? That’s why you left Mai.” Ty Lee’s face twisted into a mischievous smile. She eyed Zuko up and down, walking around him in a circle. “She came all this way for you, Zuko. If I didn’t hate the fact that you two caused my best friend to leave for three years, I’d say, go and tell her. Tell her that you love her unconditionally and that you’d give your life for hers if need be. Tell her that she’s the love of your life and you’ll never, never, never let her go.” Ty Lee smiled again, regaining focus. “But I hate the fact that you two caused my best friend to leave for three years. So maybe just see her off.” She opened the door and pushed him into the hallway with a wink, then sunk down onto the floor with her back to the wall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a bit of a short chapter this time but the next chapter is going to be a lot longer also sorry for not updating in so long!! i’ve been busy with a new job but i’m trying to get back on schedule. anyway i hope you enjoyed the zutara crumbs, ive been considering writing a sequel to this when i’m done following their storyline so if that’s something people are interested in i’ll do it!!


	4. Ty Lee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ty Lee stepped off of the boat and let her bare feet sink into the sand. She packed lightly, holding everything in a small bag around her back. She let herself take everything in; the smell of salt on the air, the sound of the ocean waves crashing against the sand, and the red buildings with yellow embellishments. It felt right to be there, it felt like home.

“Are you sure this is the best idea?” Suki half scolded Ty Lee as she boarded a boat. 

“No,” Ty Lee responded, clutching the piece of parchment close to her heart. “But Mai is there, she‘s finally back. I need to see her.” 

Suki placed a hand in front of Ty Lee. “She might bring back bad memories. So could ember island.” 

Ty Lee stepped down from the boat and kissed Suki on the cheek. When she pulled away, Suki was blushing. “I appreciate your concern, but i’m an  _ adult _ now. I’ll be fine.”

***

Ty Lee stepped off of the boat and let her bare feet sink into the sand. She packed lightly, holding everything in a small bag around her back. She let herself take everything in; the smell of salt on the air, the sound of the ocean waves crashing against the sand, and the red buildings with yellow embellishments. It felt right to be there, it felt like home. 

Mai was waiting for her in the house that her family owned. There was no one else there but them, for a whole week. Ty Lee threw herself into her friend’s arms, wrapping her hands around Mai’s neck. She felt her face grow hot and tears formed at the corners of her eyes. “It’s been too long, she whispered into Mai’s hair.” 

Mai pulled away and looked Ty Lee up and down. “You're right,” she said, tears streaming down her cheeks. Mai escorted Ty Lee to a couch in the drawing room. “Happy birthday, by the way. Finally eighteen,” she breathed, squeezing Ty Lee’s hand. “So how has everyone been?” she asked. 

Ty Lee smiled. She had always loved small talk, especially with her friends. “Everything is great, actually. I’m still with the Kyoshi warriors. Suki and I have been getting along great. She’s still with Sokka, but he travels a lot. Aang has plans to build this big city in the middle of the earth kingdom. Zuko-“ She looked up at Mai cautiously. She didn’t know if Mai was over him for not. 

“Zuko..?”

Ty Lee let out a sigh and continued. “Zuko’s doing good as fire lord, I hear. He gave back all the land taken by the fire nation and paid the earth kingdom for all of the damages done to their home. Sokka and Katara helped him put down a few rebellions.” Mai cringed when Ty Lee mentioned the rebellions. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-“

“No it’s okay. It’s their fault for working to undermine Zuko.” A year earlier, Mai’s parents were involved in a plot to put Ozai back on the throne, but Katara captured them and they were sentenced to prison, having their entire fortune stripped of them and passed down to Mai. 

“Enough of that,” Ty Lee said, taking Mai’s hand. “How were your travels?” Mai’s eyes brightened. 

“Well first I went north, to the northern water tribe. It turns out Sokka wasn’t lying, he  _ did _ date the moon.” Both of them giggled. “It was fun there, and I met…” Mai trailed off. “Someone. Then I decided I would tour the air temples. They’re...they made me understand you a lot more. You have to visit them sometime, they aren’t just spiritual, they’re beautiful.” Mai pushed her loose hair back behind her ear. “That took up a majority of the first year. I went back north for a few months, to see…” She trailed off again. 

“To see who?” Ty Lee asked, her natural curiosity getting the better of her.

Mai sighed. “Ty, if I tell you something, can you promise to never,  _ ever _ , tell anyone else?” Ty Lee nodded her head. “I met a girl, and I really  _ really _ like her. Not the way I liked Zuko, it’s more somehow.” Mai pulled down the collar of her shirt to reveal a necklace, one that looked just like Katara’s. 

“Is that…”

“It’s a betrothal necklace. Well, we aren’t engaged, but she made it for me. It’s more...symbolic. I spent a lot of my time with her, and she wanted me to have something to remember her by.” Ty Lee couldn’t help but smile. 

Her vision blurred as tears clouded her eyes. “I didn’t know that you were like me,” she said, rubbing away her tears. Mai looked confused. “I mean I know we’re similar, we’re friends after all, but you’re  _ like _ me. I’ve never actually liked boys.” It felt good to finally tell someone out loud, without fear of being ridiculed or hurt. “I’m happy for you. The both of you.” 

***

Mai had fallen asleep early, like she always had. She was always much less of a night owl than Ty Lee. With nothing to do, Ty Lee decided that she would see the midnight show that the ember island players were putting on. Ty Lee remembered how much Azula had loved going to see them as a kid. They’d race there, the wind in their faces, and tumble on the ground when they made it. Ursa would scold them for being too rambunctious but giggle behind her fan when Ozai wasn’t around. Zuko and Mai would be walking awkwardly side by side, the way kids would when they had crushes on each other. 

Ty Lee pushed the large brass doors open and purchased a ticket from the vendor. She had a bit of money on her, so the seat wasn’t terrible. A boy, about her age, sat next to her. He was handsome, having the usual sharp face and tawny eyes of the fire nation. “What’s a beautiful girl like you doing all alone?” Ty Lee almost gagged, but she put on her sweetest smile. 

“I can handle myself,” she said with venomous sweetness. She looked down at the playbill the vendor had given her. The play was called “Rise of the Warriors,” and on the cover was a picture of Kyoshi herself. Ty Lee looked back up at the stage excitedly. A whole play about the faction in which she had pledged her life. She felt important for the first time in a very long time. 

The curtains drew, and the play began. The first act was all about Kyoshi, who she was as a person, her power as an Avatar, and it ended with Kyoshi splitting Kyoshi island from the earth kingdom. The curtains fell again, and the boy sat next to Ty Lee rubbed his shoulder against hers. 

“So what do you say we leave this place and go somewhere more comfortable?” The corner of his lip turned up and he looked Ty Lee up and down. She responded to this with a look of disgust. 

“I’m not interested.” 

He clearly felt the embarrassment of rejection, and crossed his arms and stared at the curtains in silence.  _ I should’ve humored him _ , she thought.  _ Boys used to come so easy to me before I realized what I was. I used them, and it felt good. But I don’t know how to do that anymore. _

After a few minutes, the curtains opened again for act two. A voice sounded through the theater. Ty Lee couldn’t pay attention to the words that were said, she was trying to pinpoint where she had heard the voice before. It was a nasally voice, but a light one that made her stomach churn. A commanding voice, used many times to manipulate and push Ty Lee around. 

Azula stepped out onto the stage. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another short chapter, pls let me know if you guys prefer the longer ones, i’ll start trying my best to make the chapters longer. also sorry for the wait!! i’ve been very busy working so i haven’t been writing much


	5. Ty Lee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azula sobbed into her hand. “I hate that you’re right. I hate that I can't bring myself to hate you. I hate that you betrayed me, I hate that Zuko defeated me, I hate that Mai gave up on me…” Azula’s voice was quickening. She began counting under her breath and breathing heavily. Ty Lee could’ve sworn she saw small blue flames leave her mouth. “I hate that I gave you these scars.” Azula grabbed Ty Lee’s hand and looked at them again. “I’m just like my father.”

**Ty Lee and Azula’s Dragon Lilies**

Ty Lee’s mouth went dry. Azula hadn’t seen her yet,  _ that’s good _ , she thought. She could disappear quickly, get out of there and go back to Mai; no. Go back to Kyoshi island, forget about all of this, and get back to life as usual. She could go back to normal.  _ Normal _ . What was normal? Normal never existed for Ty Lee. Normal would be growing up in a quaint village on the coast, meeting some boy named Lee, marrying him once she’s of age, and living out a perfectly dull life of endless mediocrity. 

But that wasn’t Ty Lee. She was instead born to a prominent family in the fire nation, raised to be an exact copy of all her sisters before her. She was sent to the most prestigious school for girls in the fire nation, where she first met Azula. 

Azula. 

She shook the thoughts from her head and focused on what was happening. Azula was right there in front of her, playing the role of a Kyoshi warrior. If she wasn’t so shocked, she would have laughed seeing her friend dressed up in the uniform again. She wasn’t sure whether she should be happy or sad. Excited or upset. Azula had tried to kill Mai, she kept trying to tell herself.  _ Why did they let her out of the facility so soon? Is she already fully recovered?  _ Zuko would know. Mai would know too, or so Ty Lee thought. Everything was just so confusing, and she couldn’t pay attention to Azula’s monologue. She clapped along with the audience to seem like she was paying attention when it was finally over, but she hadn’t heard a single word from Azula. 

Ty Lee eyed the scars on her hand from her last encounter with Azula.  _ She’s dangerous. I can't trust her. Azula always lies _ . But Ty Lee thought of better days. When they were children, they picked flowers in the garden for Ursa. Azula would always try to pick the prettiest flowers to appease her mother. Dragon lilies were Ursa’s favorite, Ty Lee remembered. If Ursa didn’t really want or like the flowers she’d tell Azula that they look better in her hands. Azula’s response was to burn the flowers and find better ones. This soon grew into a game for them where Ty Lee would point out the prettiest flowers in the garden, and if they didn’t live up to Azula’s, or rather, Ursa’s expectations, she’d burn them for being ugly. 

Ty Lee realized that she was crying. tears fell from her eyes and cascaded along her cheeks like warm wet kisses, falling onto the floor with small  _ plops _ that only she could hear. The curtains closed again, and Azula disappeared behind a sea of red satin and bobbing heads. The lights flickered on. It was over already? She remembered the plays being longer, but maybe she had just been distracted and didn’t realize how much time had really passed. She didn’t know what to do as everyone else in her aisle cleared out until she was the only one left in the theater. 

She let her body carry her to the rafters above the stage, a small jump from one of the balconies that she had easily climbed to. She missed this; the feeling of metal gripping the calluses on her fingers, the stinging and aching she felt climbing up and down various structures that aren’t meant to be climbed. She walked as lightly on her feet as she could muster, carefully sneaking behind the light operator on the rafters with her. With one quick movement of her index and middle finger, he was on the floor. She almost felt sorry as she stepped over him, but he was in her way. Azula had told Ty Lee when they were younger that if anyone is in your way, it’s okay to stop them, even if it hurts them. It was a morbid idea to be sure, but it was one that comforted Ty Lee whenever she had to get rid of small problems like the light operator. 

Soon she was above backstage, and she watched as actors, actresses, and crew members all hurried around cleaning up. There was no sign of Azula yet. She spotted a man, a tall one with large muscles, a handsome, chiseled face, and a bouquet of flowers in his hand. Ty Lee squinted her eyes to see where he was going. He opened a door that led into a room with a mirror and plenty of light. She thought that Azula might be in there, so despite her head telling her to stop, to go back home to Mai, to sleep and forget all about this, she hopped down from the rafters with a roll once she reached the floor. She maneuvered herself behind a curtain to hide herself from anyone that would see how out of place she was. The area in front of the door eventually cleared, so Ty Lee knelt next to the door and peered in. 

“I think we have a visitor,” she heard Azula say, coming toward the door. 

“I’ll get it,” the man responded. The color drained from her face.  _ No no no no no no no no no  _ … she couldn’t bring herself to back away in time, so when the man opened the door she stood there, a stupid smile on her face, crouched to the ground. 

Ty Lee couldn’t think of anything to say, so she said the first thing that came to her mind. “This isn’t the bathroom!” Ty Lee tried to run, but the man caught her collar. Without thinking, she whipped around and jabbed him on the shoulder, just at the right spot, making his arm fall limp. “Don’t you  _ ever _ touch me.”

Ty Lee looked at Azula. She had her hand over her mouth. The Azula she had known in the months leading up to her defeat was gone. Her eyes weren’t hard, her eyebrows weren’t forever creased into a scowl. Her emotions seemed...genuine. Then she switched back. “Well done, Ty Lee, you’ve paralyzed my fiancé.” Fiancé. The word felt like a punch to the gut. Why had she even gone to see Azula? What was her goal in that?

“It’ll wear off,” Ty Lee told him, stepping closer to Azula. “So you’re an actress now?”

“So it seems.” Azula eyed her up and down.  _ What is she looking for? A weakness? Is she seeing how much I’ve changed in three years?  _

“And you’re engaged.” Ty Lee looked away and gritted her teeth. 

Azula ignored her comment, and took Ty Lee’s hand in hers. Immediately, Ty Lee’s eyes jerked up to look at Azula. She saw what she had wanted to see when she visited three years ago. A beautiful girl who was happy, and better. Her high cheekbones were powdered with rouge from the play, and her eyes were lined delicately. Ty Lee carefully took in every part of Azula. She took a sharp breath in as Azula traced the scars on her hands. Her eyebrows turned up, and she began to look sad. “My fault?” 

Ty Lee had to lie. “No, cooking accident.” She smiled at her old friend. She knew Azula didn’t believe her, but It was better to let the truth remain unspoken. 

Azula brushed a stray strand of hair behind Ty Lee’s ear. She tensed up, then let the familiar feeling of Azula’s skin on hers hit her like a hammer on hot iron. Azula’s hands weren’t as callused as they once were, they felt soft as she carefully traced Ty Lee’s jawline. “You wear your hair differently now,” Azula observed. 

“Azula, who is this?” The man asked from his spot against the wall. 

“Oh, right. Ty Lee, do you remember Chan?”

_ CHAN _ ? 

_ Azula, you’ve gone low before, I mean  _ really _ low, but  _ Chan _? From the party when we were fourteen? _ Ty Lee must’ve looked like an idiot with her mouth hanging down. 

“Chan, this is Ty Lee. An...old friend.” 

Ty Lee stumbled. “I-I have to go.” Ty Lee clumsily fell out of the room, watching as Chan took Azula into a deep, long kiss. 

***

Ty Lee wiped away tears with the back of her hand. She trudged through the sand aimlessly, just violently stomping her way home. But she didn’t make her way home. Well, she went to  _ a _ home, in a sense. A house that used to be  _ her _ home. She looked out to the blackened water, the full moon lighting up parts of the waves. She reminisced on the summers they’d spend on this beach. They’d build sand palaces, and play volleyball, Azula would come up with a plan to get Zuko and Mai alone together. Ty Lee sank her knees into the sand and scrunched some up with her hands, wishing that she was a child once again. Everything was so much less complicated when it was her and Azula. 

Ty Lee climbed the stairs up to the front door and pushed it open with a creak. A portrait of the royal family stood in the entrance, a slash through Ozai’s face. The decorations were different than last time, too. They were pink and seashells decorated the walls. The bigger seashells had numbers painted on them. on a table below the portrait was a bouquet of dying dragon lilies in a pink and turquoise vase. 

“I figured I’d find you here.” Ty Lee whipped around, her hair moving with her. Azula stood in the doorway, her silhouette dark and intimidating. “Do you like what my mother’s done with the place?” Azula walked closer to Ty Lee. “I think it’s a bit too much pink. I never liked pink all that much.” Azula ripped a petal off of one of the dragon lilies. “It was always more your color.” Azula looked Ty Lee in the eye. Those angry amber eyes bore into hers like a pick in ice. “I don’t expect you to do much talking right now. Ty Lee…” Azula’s voice cracked. “I can't say...that I’m happy to see you.” Azula looked away and blinked away her tears. “You  _ betrayed _ me. You chi blocked me. You chose Mai over me, just like Zuko did. Just like Mother did with Zuko.” Ty Lee could feel the pain in her voice. 

“You were going to kill her,” Ty Lee responded, in a tiny voice. “I couldn’t let that happen. You would’ve hated yourself forever if you did.” Ty Lee wouldn’t let herself be upset over this. It was the right choice.  _ Azula always lies _ . “I saved you. I saved your conscience.” 

Azula sobbed into her hand. “I hate that you’re right. I hate that I can't bring myself to hate you. I hate that you betrayed me, I hate that Zuko defeated me, I hate that Mai gave up on me…” Azula’s voice was quickening. She began counting under her breath and breathing heavily. Ty Lee could’ve sworn she saw small blue flames leave her mouth. “I hate that I gave you these scars.” Azula grabbed Ty Lee’s hand and looked at them again. “I’m just like my father.”

Ty Lee pulled her hand away, and placed it on Azula’s shoulder. “Don’t say that. You’re nothing like him.” Ty Lee wanted to continue to comfort her, but Azula pushed her hand away. 

“Do you remember when we were kids, and we’d pick the dragon lilies?” Ty Lee nodded in response. “And I would burn the ugly ones…” Azula looked to the door. “Get out, Ty Lee.” It sounded more like a request than a command. A soft caress at the back of Ty Lee’s mind, making her want to stay, to hear it more, rather than leave this instant. 

Ty Lee reached a hand out to Azula, but in one swift motion, Azula sent a large flame of fire to Ty Lee. Before it hit her, though, Azula directed it to the other side of the house, blowing a blue smoldering hole in the side of the house. Ty Lee’s eyes widened, and so did Azula’s. They looked at each other, panting from shock. 

“I didn’t…I haven’t...not since...not since I left...Ty Lee I-“ Ty Lee leapt through the hole in the side of the house, and kept running until her legs burned and her feet tripped over themselves. 

She found a small cove hidden from the rest of the beach. Before going there, she checked the clock tower at the top of the island. 3:30 AM. She climbed down into the cove, hugging her knees to her chest, and burying her face in her arms. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter kinda hurt me 😭😭 it’s not exactly what i planned but i’m pretty happy with it!! people said they like longer chapters better so i’m trying my best to publish chapters over 1k words, which honestly is a little hard bc it’s not really my style. i think this 2k length or maybe 3k is good for this fic?? anyway the next time i update will have an azula chapter!! finally!!


	6. Ty Lee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azula sobbed into her hand. “I hate that you’re right. I hate that I can't bring myself to hate you. I hate that you betrayed me, I hate that Zuko defeated me, I hate that Mai gave up on me…” Azula’s voice was quickening. She began counting under her breath and breathing heavily. Ty Lee could’ve sworn she saw small blue flames leave her mouth. “I hate that I gave you these scars.” Azula grabbed Ty Lee’s hand and looked at them again. “I’m just like my father.”

**Ty Lee and Azula’s Dragon Lilies**

Ty Lee’s mouth went dry. Azula hadn’t seen her yet,  _ that’s good _ , she thought. She could disappear quickly, get out of there and go back to Mai; no. Go back to Kyoshi island, forget about all of this, and get back to life as usual. She could go back to normal.  _ Normal _ . What was normal? Normal never existed for Ty Lee. Normal would be growing up in a quaint village on the coast, meeting some boy named Lee, marrying him once she’s of age, and living out a perfectly dull life of endless mediocrity. 

But that wasn’t Ty Lee. She was instead born to a prominent family in the fire nation, raised to be an exact copy of all her sisters before her. She was sent to the most prestigious school for girls in the fire nation, where she first met Azula. 

Azula. 

She shook the thoughts from her head and focused on what was happening. Azula was right there in front of her, playing the role of a Kyoshi warrior. If she wasn’t so shocked, she would have laughed seeing her friend dressed up in the uniform again. She wasn’t sure whether she should be happy or sad. Excited or upset. Azula had tried to kill Mai, she kept trying to tell herself.  _ Why did they let her out of the facility so soon? Is she already fully recovered?  _ Zuko would know. Mai would know too, or so Ty Lee thought. Everything was just so confusing, and she couldn’t pay attention to Azula’s monologue. She clapped along with the audience to seem like she was paying attention when it was finally over, but she hadn’t heard a single word from Azula. 

Ty Lee eyed the scars on her hand from her last encounter with Azula.  _ She’s dangerous. I can't trust her. Azula always lies _ . But Ty Lee thought of better days. When they were children, they picked flowers in the garden for Ursa. Azula would always try to pick the prettiest flowers to appease her mother. Dragon lilies were Ursa’s favorite, Ty Lee remembered. If Ursa didn’t really want or like the flowers she’d tell Azula that they look better in her hands. Azula’s response was to burn the flowers and find better ones. This soon grew into a game for them where Ty Lee would point out the prettiest flowers in the garden, and if they didn’t live up to Azula’s, or rather, Ursa’s expectations, she’d burn them for being ugly. 

Ty Lee realized that she was crying. tears fell from her eyes and cascaded along her cheeks like warm wet kisses, falling onto the floor with small  _ plops _ that only she could hear. The curtains closed again, and Azula disappeared behind a sea of red satin and bobbing heads. The lights flickered on. It was over already? She remembered the plays being longer, but maybe she had just been distracted and didn’t realize how much time had really passed. She didn’t know what to do as everyone else in her aisle cleared out until she was the only one left in the theater. 

She let her body carry her to the rafters above the stage, a small jump from one of the balconies that she had easily climbed to. She missed this; the feeling of metal gripping the calluses on her fingers, the stinging and aching she felt climbing up and down various structures that aren’t meant to be climbed. She walked as lightly on her feet as she could muster, carefully sneaking behind the light operator on the rafters with her. With one quick movement of her index and middle finger, he was on the floor. She almost felt sorry as she stepped over him, but he was in her way. Azula had told Ty Lee when they were younger that if anyone is in your way, it’s okay to stop them, even if it hurts them. It was a morbid idea to be sure, but it was one that comforted Ty Lee whenever she had to get rid of small problems like the light operator. 

Soon she was above backstage, and she watched as actors, actresses, and crew members all hurried around cleaning up. There was no sign of Azula yet. She spotted a man, a tall one with large muscles, a handsome, chiseled face, and a bouquet of flowers in his hand. Ty Lee squinted her eyes to see where he was going. He opened a door that led into a room with a mirror and plenty of light. She thought that Azula might be in there, so despite her head telling her to stop, to go back home to Mai, to sleep and forget all about this, she hopped down from the rafters with a roll once she reached the floor. She maneuvered herself behind a curtain to hide herself from anyone that would see how out of place she was. The area in front of the door eventually cleared, so Ty Lee knelt next to the door and peered in. 

“I think we have a visitor,” she heard Azula say, coming toward the door. 

“I’ll get it,” the man responded. The color drained from her face.  _ No no no no no no no no no  _ … she couldn’t bring herself to back away in time, so when the man opened the door she stood there, a stupid smile on her face, crouched to the ground. 

Ty Lee couldn’t think of anything to say, so she said the first thing that came to her mind. “This isn’t the bathroom!” Ty Lee tried to run, but the man caught her collar. Without thinking, she whipped around and jabbed him on the shoulder, just at the right spot, making his arm fall limp. “Don’t you  _ ever _ touch me.”

Ty Lee looked at Azula. She had her hand over her mouth. The Azula she had known in the months leading up to her defeat was gone. Her eyes weren’t hard, her eyebrows weren’t forever creased into a scowl. Her emotions seemed...genuine. Then she switched back. “Well done, Ty Lee, you’ve paralyzed my fiancé.” Fiancé. The word felt like a punch to the gut. Why had she even gone to see Azula? What was her goal in that?

“It’ll wear off,” Ty Lee told him, stepping closer to Azula. “So you’re an actress now?”

“So it seems.” Azula eyed her up and down.  _ What is she looking for? A weakness? Is she seeing how much I’ve changed in three years?  _

“And you’re engaged.” Ty Lee looked away and gritted her teeth. 

Azula ignored her comment, and took Ty Lee’s hand in hers. Immediately, Ty Lee’s eyes jerked up to look at Azula. She saw what she had wanted to see when she visited three years ago. A beautiful girl who was happy, and better. Her high cheekbones were powdered with rouge from the play, and her eyes were lined delicately. Ty Lee carefully took in every part of Azula. She took a sharp breath in as Azula traced the scars on her hands. Her eyebrows turned up, and she began to look sad. “My fault?” 

Ty Lee had to lie. “No, cooking accident.” She smiled at her old friend. She knew Azula didn’t believe her, but It was better to let the truth remain unspoken. 

Azula brushed a stray strand of hair behind Ty Lee’s ear. She tensed up, then let the familiar feeling of Azula’s skin on hers hit her like a hammer on hot iron. Azula’s hands weren’t as callused as they once were, they felt soft as she carefully traced Ty Lee’s jawline. “You wear your hair differently now,” Azula observed. 

“Azula, who is this?” The man asked from his spot against the wall. 

“Oh, right. Ty Lee, do you remember Chan?”

_ CHAN _ ? 

_ Azula, you’ve gone low before, I mean  _ really _ low, but  _ Chan _? From the party when we were fourteen? _ Ty Lee must’ve looked like an idiot with her mouth hanging down. 

“Chan, this is Ty Lee. An...old friend.” 

Ty Lee stumbled. “I-I have to go.” Ty Lee clumsily fell out of the room, watching as Chan took Azula into a deep, long kiss. 

***

Ty Lee wiped away tears with the back of her hand. She trudged through the sand aimlessly, just violently stomping her way home. But she didn’t make her way home. Well, she went to  _ a _ home, in a sense. A house that used to be  _ her _ home. She looked out to the blackened water, the full moon lighting up parts of the waves. She reminisced on the summers they’d spend on this beach. They’d build sand palaces, and play volleyball, Azula would come up with a plan to get Zuko and Mai alone together. Ty Lee sank her knees into the sand and scrunched some up with her hands, wishing that she was a child once again. Everything was so much less complicated when it was her and Azula. 

Ty Lee climbed the stairs up to the front door and pushed it open with a creak. A portrait of the royal family stood in the entrance, a slash through Ozai’s face. The decorations were different than last time, too. They were pink and seashells decorated the walls. The bigger seashells had numbers painted on them. on a table below the portrait was a bouquet of dying dragon lilies in a pink and turquoise vase. 

“I figured I’d find you here.” Ty Lee whipped around, her hair moving with her. Azula stood in the doorway, her silhouette dark and intimidating. “Do you like what my mother’s done with the place?” Azula walked closer to Ty Lee. “I think it’s a bit too much pink. I never liked pink all that much.” Azula ripped a petal off of one of the dragon lilies. “It was always more your color.” Azula looked Ty Lee in the eye. Those angry amber eyes bore into hers like a pick in ice. “I don’t expect you to do much talking right now. Ty Lee…” Azula’s voice cracked. “I can't say...that I’m happy to see you.” Azula looked away and blinked away her tears. “You  _ betrayed _ me. You chi blocked me. You chose Mai over me, just like Zuko did. Just like Mother did with Zuko.” Ty Lee could feel the pain in her voice. 

“You were going to kill her,” Ty Lee responded, in a tiny voice. “I couldn’t let that happen. You would’ve hated yourself forever if you did.” Ty Lee wouldn’t let herself be upset over this. It was the right choice.  _ Azula always lies _ . “I saved you. I saved your conscience.” 

Azula sobbed into her hand. “I hate that you’re right. I hate that I can't bring myself to hate you. I hate that you betrayed me, I hate that Zuko defeated me, I hate that Mai gave up on me…” Azula’s voice was quickening. She began counting under her breath and breathing heavily. Ty Lee could’ve sworn she saw small blue flames leave her mouth. “I hate that I gave you these scars.” Azula grabbed Ty Lee’s hand and looked at them again. “I’m just like my father.”

Ty Lee pulled her hand away, and placed it on Azula’s shoulder. “Don’t say that. You’re nothing like him.” Ty Lee wanted to continue to comfort her, but Azula pushed her hand away. 

“Do you remember when we were kids, and we’d pick the dragon lilies?” Ty Lee nodded in response. “And I would burn the ugly ones…” Azula looked to the door. “Get out, Ty Lee.” It sounded more like a request than a command. A soft caress at the back of Ty Lee’s mind, making her want to stay, to hear it more, rather than leave this instant. 

Ty Lee reached a hand out to Azula, but in one swift motion, Azula sent a large flame of fire to Ty Lee. Before it hit her, though, Azula directed it to the other side of the house, blowing a blue smoldering hole in the side of the house. Ty Lee’s eyes widened, and so did Azula’s. They looked at each other, panting from shock. 

“I didn’t…I haven’t...not since...not since I left...Ty Lee I-“ Ty Lee leapt through the hole in the side of the house, and kept running until her legs burned and her feet tripped over themselves. 

She found a small cove hidden from the rest of the beach. Before going there, she checked the clock tower at the top of the island. 3:30 AM. She climbed down into the cove, hugging her knees to her chest, and burying her face in her arms. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter kinda hurt me 😭😭 it’s not exactly what i planned but i’m pretty happy with it!! people said they like longer chapters better so i’m trying my best to publish chapters over 1k words, which honestly is a little hard bc it’s not really my style. i think this 2k length or maybe 3k is good for this fic?? anyway the next time i update will have an azula chapter!! finally!!


	7. Azula

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Home,” she muttered under her breath, rubbing her hands together and picking at her cuticles. Ty Lee always yelled at her for that. She said that she’d get in infection if she picked at them too much, and being anxious darkened your aura. She smiled thinking of Ty Lee. Maybe home was with her. Maybe home was Ember island, the last place they’d been normal teenagers. “I’m ready.”

**A year earlier, in Azula's mental hospital...**

She’d been awake since dawn. She had watched the window as the sun slowly rose over the hill on the other side of the building. She’d memorized that side in the year she had been at this establishment. The last one was hell; a prison to keep her from hurting anyone. She supposed that was only fair, though. The counselor told her how many people she’d hurt then. A year of prison, and a year of counselling. They told her that she was better, but it was hard to feel that way. Her hallucinations had stopped when she left her cell. No more seeing her mother, or Ty Lee around her. She missed them, though. Even though it wasn’t really them, it was comforting to remember their faces. Ty Lee’s wild bangs blowing in her face as her sweet voice shouted even sweeter words of encouragement, and her mother’s judgmental glare with occasional sighs of disapproval. Once she’d seen her father. She had lashed out, spraying fire from her mouth at...nothing. She swore that day that if she was to ever come face to face with him, she would kill him. Kill him for what he did to her, for what he did to Zuko, even for what he did to her mother. 

A bird landed on her window pane, chirping a song with no tune. She tried her hardest to muster a smile, but it faded as soon as she managed to make it appear. She stretched her arms and legs, and glanced over at the small desk in the corner of her room. Sitting on it was a turquoise jar with a cluster of dragon lillies planted in it. She supposed that turquoise could have been her favorite color, in a different life, one where she wasn’t princess Azula. A knock came at her door. _Breakfast already?_ A nurse dressed in a green uniform brought her breakfast in. Porridge with a side of strawberries and a glass of milk. The same thing as the last three hundred and sixty three days she had spent at this place. The nurse had to sit and watch as she ate, which to her was more degrading than her therapy sessions, and those were already bad enough. The green uniforms were the only indication as to where Azula was being kept. The earth kingdom, but why? She’d been considering asking where she actually was, but when she really thought about it, it didn’t matter. It was its own sort of prison. 

Azula gulped down the last of her milk, and handed the dirty dishes to the nurse. She looked as if she was about to say something, but stopped herself, and walked off into the dark hallway. The vase with the dragon lillies was the only color in the otherwise gray room. Gray walls, gray sheets, gray pillows, a gray desk, a gray chair, gray clothes...Azula spotted herself in the mirror by the water basin. _Gray Azula_. She found the diary they had given her the first day she had come here from the prison. She flipped to the first page, the only one filled in. It was in crude writing, profanities and mocking the appearance of the nurses. She had called them all ugly peasants. The old azula. She decided that today she might start writing in it again. She carefully grabbed the ink pot and fountain tipped pen from the drawer of her desk and began to write, elegant characters filling up the page with each stroke. She wrote about nothing in particular. She wrote about how she missed her friends. They probably wouldn’t want to see her after what happened, but she missed them all the same. A tear fell down her face when she wrote out his childhood nickname. Zuzu...she missed her big brother. Not the big brother that she had tried to kill in an Agni Kai, but the big brother from when they were kids. The one that would pull her hair and play dolls with her and chase her around with bugs. The one mother loved more, the Zuko without the scar. She doubted that he would ever forgive her. Why should he? She’d tried to kill him, and that girl...what was her name? He took lightning in the heart for her, Azula’s lightning. 

Another knock came at her door. _Nine already?_ A smiling doctor entered the room, a scroll in his hand labeled ‘princess Azula.’ “You’re finally writing in that old thing?” The doctor chuckled and made himself comfortable on Azula’s bed. Something deep inside her roared with fiery distaste, and it wanted to send a blue flame hurtling at him. But after a year of working with Dr. Hulon, he taught her how to take that energy, breathe, and focus on the good things around her. Good: he was visiting her in her room; he had news. Good: The flowers were still alive. She’d lost track of time but figured it had been at least a month since they were given to her. She didn’t know who from, but the nurses said someone had dropped them off for her. Good: she hadn’t lashed out at him. She turned to him to see him smile. “You’ve made a lot of progress, Azula. If I had come in here unannounced a year ago, I would’ve gotten lightning to the heart.” Azula smiled back at him. There was still that instinct in her that wanted to reach out and wring his neck, but she just breathed in cool air and focused on the good. “I figure you’re wondering why I’m here instead of in my office?” Azula nodded. The doctor’s smile grew wider. “You’re being discharged.” 

_Discharged. Dis-charged._ She repeated the word over and over again in her head, letting it bounce around her skull like a ball. She furrowed her brows and finally spoke. “Am I ready?” Hulon leaned on his hand, his elbow propped up by his knee.

“The fact that you’re asking that question proves that you are.” It wasn’t enough reassurance for Azula.

She wiped away a tear and swallowed the lump in her throat. “What if I...what if I hurt someone again?” She nearly sobbed thinking about what she had done to Ty Lee back in her cell. 

Dr. Hulon sighed. “I don’t think you will.” _He’s a reputable man,_ Azula thought. _You can trust him. But what if he’s lying? What would he gain from doing that? I don’t know, maybe he wants to use me like father...like a weapon. He’s just a doctor; he doesn’t have the power to do that._ “You’ve done well with your treatment. You haven’t used your bending in nine months. And you’ve kept those flowers alive.” He gestured to the dragon lillies on her desk. “If it’s too much, we can let you stay here for another month. But if you’re ready, your brother should be here by noon to take you home.” She watched his mouth carefully as he said the word _home_ . _Where is home?_ At one point she would’ve said the fire palace, but that didn’t feel like her home anymore. Especially not since the agni kai. 

“Home,” she muttered under her breath, rubbing her hands together and picking at her cuticles. Ty Lee always yelled at her for that. She said that she’d get in infection if she picked at them too much, and being anxious darkened your aura. She smiled thinking of Ty Lee. Maybe home was with her. Maybe home was Ember island, the last place they’d been normal teenagers. “I’m ready.”

***

Azula clutched what little belongings she had close to her chest. The dragon lillies were in her face, tickling her nose. She held back a sneeze, remembering her etiquette lessons. A princess doesn’t sneeze or cough in public. She looked at the world around her. The facility was on an island, the sea close to the entrance of the building. She didn’t know which island, she figured she would find out once she was on a boat. Azula tried to keep her feelings at bay, and when her knees started to buckle, Dr. Hulon was there with a spoonful of bitter liquid. She nearly spat it out. “What _is_ that?” She heard her old self come out again. Her commanding voice found its way up her throat, and it filled her with a sense of confidence. 

“Don’t worry, there’s no side effects. It’ll calm you down whenever you start to panic. I’m giving a bottle to your brother, and one to you. It’s meant to help with the panic attacks and your depressive episodes.” Azula nodded and took the bottle from him. 

It felt like they’d been waiting there for hours, when finally a tall figure emerged from below the hill. She immediately recognized him. He was a lot taller than last time. His hair was half up and half down, with a top knot tied with cord and a fire emblem decorating it. He didn't wear his fire lord robes, though. He wore regular robes, the kind father would wear to dinner. _No, don’t think about father._ Azula felt so small in that moment. She took a step back as he came up the steps. Though tears covered his cheeks, he wore a smile. Not necessarily a happy one, but one that said, _I’m glad you’re better_. His escort took her things, and she let her hands fall limply at her sides. She stared into his glaring eyes, one wide and glassy, the other covered by the scar that their father had given him so many years ago. He looked gallant, like a fire nation prince in one of the stories their mother would tell them when they were children. _Mother. Where is mother?_ _She’s dead, you idiot. Father killed her._ She couldn’t handle the ever growing lump in her throat, and a sharp sob escaped her lips as she collapsed onto the ground. After the first sob came the next, then the next, then the next, until she was a heaping mess on the ground at her brother’s feet. He knelt down next to her, hesitant to reach his hand out. Finally, his hand met her spine, and he rubbed her back, comforting her. _Zuko is comforting me. Even after all I’ve done, he’s_ comforting _me_. She heard him whisper under his breath, “It’s alright. I’m here. We can be a family again.” All that did was make her sob more, but this time, she threw her hands around his neck, and cried into his shoulder. His arms found their way around her back, and pulled her tightly into his chest. She’d never considered how he was taller than her before. Of course he was, he’s two years older. He helped her off of the ground, and continued to hold her there. How old was he now? How old was she? Two years...she figured she was sixteen, almost seventeen. He’d be nineteen by now. “Come on, let’s get you on the boat.” She didn’t object, and let him escort her to the ship with a fire nation emblem painted on the side. 

He brought her into the main cabin of the ship, where a game of pai sho was set up. 

“I’ve been getting better,” he said, as if any of this was normal. “You always beat me as a kid, but I think I can take you now.”

She sat down at the table. “What is this? Why are you acting like everything is normal?”

Zuko buried his face in his hands. “I don’t know...I thought that if maybe things were like when we were kids...it would go back to that. Back to before my banishment. Back to before mother…” he trailed off. Azula tried to muster a sympathetic smile, but it just made Zuko laugh. “Still not good with smiles?” 

Azula chuckled along with him. “No, I guess not.” She moved her first piece and watched carefully as to what Zuko would do next. Treatment didn’t make her any less competitive; she was going to _destroy_ him. “White lotus method?” Zuko’s eyes widened as she immediately recognized his strategy. “A brilliant strategy,” she said, moving another piece across the board. “If you’re a good liar.” 

Zuko rubbed his chin and looked up at her, frustrated. He moved another piece, changing his strategy completely. Azula tried to figure out what he was doing, then realized he was out of ideas; there was no strategy. She moved another piece, then another, and another, and another. Then- “I win!” Zuko exclaimed, beaming. 

Azula looked down at the board. He _did_ win...but how? “I was just going easy on you,” she said as she sat back and crossed her arms. She couldn’t remember the last time she had done so much talking. 

“Oh did you?” He raised an eyebrow, and a smile painted its way across Azula’s face. 

“Next time won’t be so easy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i've been gone for a while!! i had a random burst of inspiration today so decided to finally update lol but this is azula's first pov so far, and i really enjoy writing from her perspective, so the next couple of chapters are probably going to be her story catching up with ty lee"s. let me know what you guys think!!


	8. Azula

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A figure appeared from behind a doorway, an elegant looking woman with hair down her back and a topknot tying half her hair up. Azula’s face froze as she recognized her mother immediately.

Azula let the salty sea air whip her hair around as the ship sailed through the vast expanse of water. The smell of the sea was one that had been unfamiliar at first. She’d lived mere meters from the water, but never once had the scent of sea salt in her nose in the year she spent there. Zuko had brought some of her old clothes. Most of it was too small now, but a bright red dress that had belonged to their mother when she was a teenager had caught her eye. 

She leaned against the railing on the bow of the ship, letting sea water spray into her face. When she opened her eyes, Zuko was there next to her. She felt a jolt in her body, a long buried instinct that she had been since taught to suppress. He let his hair fall loose this morning, neatly pressed locks of black, shiny hair fell down to his shoulders. “Where are we going?” Azula finally managed the courage to ask. 

Zuko’s hand clasped her shoulder, and for a moment her head told her to swat it off, but she started breathing and thinking of the good, which calmed her down. “A lot has changed in two years,” he said, pulling her in closer, like he was bracing her for something. “I don’t know if you could handle being back at the fire palace just yet.” She let herself lean into her brother’s chest, feeling his heartbeat, listening to his lungs as they breathed in and out making his chest rise and fall. 

“That doesn’t really answer my question, though?” Azula found her older brother’s eyes staring down at her. He gave her a faint smile. 

“Ember island.” Azula chewed on her bottom lip. She thought back to the last time she was there. The kiss with Chan that she had hoped would ignite something in her. She had forgotten how to feel anything long before that, and she thought like in all the stories, true love’s kiss would wake something in her, but it didn’t. This wasn’t a story, this was real life. She remembered how pretty Ty Lee was that night. Thinking about Ty Lee brought heat to Azula’s face and made her heart pound. She figured that it must be sorrow that she felt. She had burned Ty Lee two years ago. “There’s someone there waiting for you. I think...you’ll be happy to see them. I hope so, at least.” Azula smiled. She anticipated it being Mai or Ty Lee, or one of her old friends from the academy. It was the first time she had felt excited for anything since the Agni Kai. The last thing she had been excited for...was frying her brother. Which she did end up doing. 

Azula noticed that Zuko was wearing a robe as a shirt, not tied in front and exposing his chest. She looked down to his stomach, and there it was. She grazed it with her fingers and caught his eye. “My fault?” A lump in her throat made it hard to breathe. 

Zuko nodded. “The old Azula.”

_ Old Azula _ . There was no old or new Azula, there was just Azula. She was still the same person who tried to kill her big brother. Guilt weighed heavy on her chest and she turned away from him, her focus directed at the island growing bigger across the horizon. 

They returned to the big house at the top of the dunes. She remembered the last time they were there, the last night she had ever felt like a normal teenager. Azula looked at a calendar on the wall. Her birthday was soon. 

A figure appeared from behind a doorway, an elegant looking woman with hair down her back and a topknot tying half her hair up. Azula’s face froze as she recognized her mother immediately. She let all of her therapy go, she couldn’t think of the good, she just rushed towards her mother and held her against the wall, her arm at the older woman’s throat. Ursa simply smiled. Was this real? Or was it another hallucination? Her mother was dead. Ozai killed her mother. This isn’t real. Except, this time her mother didn’t disappear. She stroked Azula’s hair and wrapped her arms around her daughter. “Azula…” she heard her mother say. Her heart rate quickened and she started panting. Azula’s legs gave out and before she knew it she was on the floor in a heap, tears streaming freely, her mother at her side. 

Zuko entered the house, and dropped his bags on the floor. “I told you to  _ wait _ .” He helped azula up and wiped her tears away with his thumb. 

“I’m sorry...I had to see her.” 

“See what you’ve done? She wasn’t ready. Come on, Azula.” Azula pulled free of Zuko’s grasp. 

“Could you stop treating me like some injured pet? I’m almost seventeen years old, will you  _ please  _ explain...this?” She pointed to her mother. 

Zuko sighed. “After father was imprisoned, I searched for her. When I found her, I told her it was safe to come home now that he’s gone.” 

Azula didn’t actually care about what Zuko had to say, she just wanted more time to process the situation. She turned her attention back to Ursa. “You always treated me like a monster.”

Ursa gave Azula a sympathetic glance. Something burned inside of her, but she suppressed it. 

“You treated your own daughter...like a monster.” Azula choked back tears. “I’ve always hated my face, you know.” Azula let the words pour out of her. “Everyone always said I'm exactly like you.” She gulped in a breath and steadied her feet. “I could never be like you. I wouldn’t treat my daughter like she isn’t wanted, then run away from my family like a  _ coward _ .” She spat the last word out with as much venom as she could muster. 

“Azula, I left because...because I love you.”

Azula’s face twisted. 

“Can we just maybe um...discuss this later?” Zuko plastered a fake smile across his face.  _ Always the people pleaser, Zuzu _ . 

“You never even said goodbye.” Azula wiped a tear away with the back of her hand. 

Ursa fell to her knees. “I don’t know how, but Azula, please find it in your heart to forgive me.” 

Azula let her hand raise, and she struck down, but the blow landed on the floor. “It was father, wasn’t it?” She sighed and helped her mother to her feet. “He’s the reason you hated me. You saw him in me.” 

Ursa smiled at her daughter and stroked her cheek. “I will never forgive myself for how I treated you. I shouldn’t have favored Zuko. But..I want us to have a relationship now. I want to be a better mother.” 

Tears stained Azula’s cheeks as Ursa pulled her in for a hug. After a few moments, she wrapped her arms around her mother. “I need time. Just give me...time.” 

***

Time came and went. Azula turned seventeen in that time, and was finally able to be a “normal” teenager, whatever “normal” was. She went to beach parties with Zuko while he visited, she went out with some girls from the city every other weekend, and she was finally healing. Ursa stayed on Ember Island with her, acting like the perfect mother Azula had always wanted. Looking in from the outside, Azula supposed that her life was perfect. However, there was still a sinking feeling in her heart. No matter how much medicine she took, she couldn’t stop that subtle pain in her chest every time she inhaled. No matter how much “talking about her feelings” she did with the family psychiatric physician, she couldn’t feel complete. She’d told her mother that she was forgiven, that she loved her and was okay with building a relationship with her. And Azula felt okay with that. Okay with mending what was broken between her and her mother. Yet still, that feeling of water filling her lunch with each breath of air, that restlessness that keeps her away at night, that overwhelming urge to jump into the water and swim until her muscles became numb and she sank to the seafloor and drowned, it would never go away. 

Azula thought that love might help her. She found her mother mending a dress in the sun room of their beach home. 

“Mother…” She didn’t really know how to phrase this question. 

Ursa looked up from the dress and tossed her tools aside. “I’m thinking of going to the market later today. Would you like to come?” Azula considered it and chewed on the dead skin on her lips. “The market owner’s boy will be working there.” Ursa smirked at Azula as if she knew exactly why she had come to talk. 

Azula forced out a smile and nodded. The feeling in her chest still didn’t go away as she imagined kissing Chan again. She remembered that night, but not because of the kiss with Chan. Because of the girl she had given her first kiss to. 

When they were nine, they’d practice kissing with each other in the gardens at the fire palace. Azula remembered what Ozai had done when he caught them.  _ Girls don’t kiss girls _ . He hit her with a ruler on her knuckles and had Ty Lee sent back home. When she kissed Chan, all she could think about was that day when they were nine, next to a small pond, sloppily pressing their lips together like they had seen Ty Lee’s parents do. She thought that father would be so proud if she kissed Chan, if she maybe dated him or even married him. Fourteen and she was so focused on a marriage that would make her father happy. 

Well, maybe now it would make her mother happy. Chan was a nice boy, and Azula could admit that he was handsome. He always smelled nice and his hair was placed correctly, as any upper class teenage boy in the fire nation. He would make a great and advantageous match for Azula. A great match, they could make Ursa and Zuko happy. 

Azula smiled and stepped into the market square, searching the crowd for Chan. She found him, his back turned to her. She wondered if he’d remember her. Two and a half years, probably not. She strode up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder. She dropped the crates her was carrying to look at her. “Who the-“ 

“Chan!” Azula tried to say sweetly, “do you remember me?” 

Chan’s expression changed from confused to surprised. “You’re the girl from my party! I never thought I’d see you again after…”

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that.” Azula shyly pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “We sent you money to fix everything but...we shouldn’t have done that in the first place. I was in a bad place back then and my brother…and his  _ girlfriend _ -“

“It’s fine,” Chan cute her off, laughing. “You burned down my house, but hey, you’re the fire lord’s daughter! We bought an even bigger house and expanded my father’s business!” 

Without thinking, Azula jumped and balanced herself with her hands on his chest. “I’m so happy you’re not mad!” She felt her inner Ty Lee come out, but the permanent deep pin in her chest was still there, and her teeth chattered lightly with anxiety. Chan touched her hand lightly and smiled, with his eyes and his cheeks. 

“Why don’t we pick up where we left off last time?” He pressed his lips to hers, and she pulled back, aghast. 

“Well you’re certainly very forward.” Azula moved her hands to his face and returned the kiss, trying to bring a heat to her face and a thumping to her heart. She kissed him again, guiding his arm around her waist.  _ This is how it should be. This is how a couple acts, right?  _ When she finally pulled away, Ursa was smiling at them. 

“You two remind me of me and the boy I was with before I married her father.” Ursa wrapped her arm around Azula. 

“ _ Mom _ ..please.”

Ursa winked at her. “Don’t get into  _ too _ much trouble.” 

Azula touched Chan’s palm and laced her fingers through her own, but it didn’t feel natural. She thought these things would feel different. Zuko always told her it was like a spark, when you know, you know. She hadn’t felt that spark since...for a while. She thought maybe she couldn’t feel the spark, maybe she was different. She accepted this date, not being the same as anyone else, or the boy that seemed to like her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m so sorry for making you all wait so long 😭 i’ve had really bad mental problems and had no motivation to write this chapter but it’s here!! i WILL finish this fic i swear to god. once i’m finished a zutara sequel will come. i’ve been posting one shots between chapters because it helps clear my mind and focus more on my story. anyway this was pretty emotional to write, and i’m trying my VERY BEST to make it clear that azula is a lesbian and chan is just a comphet crush. did it work? anyway i’m going to try and update maybe once a week like i had done when i started this fic. i hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and respect feedback is welcomed! (side note: i posted this while at school so i didn’t have time to revise any typos, so please disregard them haha)


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